hope...

We are sorry that we have been away and we needed the time to spend with my family after hearing my current health prognosis.

I made it through the final test a bit tired but elated that it was all finally done. I had pretty much been convinced at that time to go ahead and have the kidney removed despite all of the risks. Jayne & I have been praying for clarity and wisdom and to know without any doubts that surgery was the road to take. We prayed that if it wasn't, that one of the test results would say, "too much risk". Well of course just when you think you are heading one way the wind changes and the phone rings. The surgeon called us @ 8:30pm and told me that there is a problem with my heart that showed up during the stress test, ok? He wanted to talk to the oncologist and the heart specialist about whether surgery was still a possibility. He stated that he would want yet another test to be run to get a better scan of my heart and the results they do have were inconclusive. Meaning it could or couldn't be something of concern. ok? 

When I hung up the phone I pretty much knew that my body could not take one more test or any other set backs. I knew that I just couldn't have the surgery and that I wanted to stay whole and not, the risks of all the things that "could" happen if I had the surgery. Jayne, of course, was with me either way. I just do not want to spend my limited time in the hospital being visited by my family and friends with tubes, beeps and bossy nurses. I want that that time spent in the comfort of my home. Ok done, decision made.

Wednesday morning 8:30am the phone rings, it's the surgeon. He says that he has met with the heart specialist and the oncologist and together that felt as though that surgery was no longer the option. They felt that the risks were just too high and that now they would send us down a different road, the road of palliative care. City of Hope will treat my current issues and the ones to come with the best drugs and care available. Let me just say, I felt such peace. God had answered in such an awesome way. No Surgery! Spend the time loving those around you and letting them love you.

What's next? Monday, I will meet with the oncologist and that will be determined. All that I do know is that it is call immnotherapy, it is a type of care that will boost my immune system to fight for as many days as I have left.

Let me say that the journey this far could not have been possible without each one of your thoughts and prayers and I believe that it will also be the very thing that sustains me throughout this new journey. So I want to say what a privilege it with to have each and everyone of you go through this with me. 

until tomorrow...